Off to Vermont!

This will make the 47th state I've visited! (I've never gotten out of the car in Alabama or Mississippi, but those who have tell me I'm not missing much.) I've spent 14 months of my life touring for children's theatre companies, and my family once took a massive 8,000 mile road trip so I've covered a lot of U.S. ground. Despite having visited New Hampshire five times, I've never made it to Vermont. (Or Maine, for that matter.) So I'm looking forward to this weekend. I'll see one of my best friends (who is doing a summer program there and who is the reason I've been to New Hampshire so many times) and she's going to take me to the Ben and Jerry factory! Color me psyched. I forgot to bum the digital camera off of EG so I won't be back with photos, I'm afraid, but maybe my friend will have a camera. Anyway, happy 4th of July, everybody!

And Here's Number Three

Karl Malden died today. He was 97, so unlike the other two recent celebrity deaths, this was neither unexpected nor tragic. But just in case you didn't know, Karl Malden was way cool. The above pic is from A Streetcar Named Desire, for which he won the Best Supporting Actor Oscar(TM) in 1952. The fun thing about seeing Streetcar for me was that I'd already seen him in Gypsy and Vivien Leigh in Gone with the Wind, so watching them together, in roles similar to those I knew them for, was kind of like Scarlet O'Hara meets Herbie. Fun, if more than a little surreal. Other Red may be the only one who knows what I'm talking about, but whatevs.

Click here to read his obit in the NYT and here to see his credits on imdb. Rest in peace, Karl Malden. You did good work.

[Note: EG pointed put that Mr. Malden was actually #5. I didn't mean to dis Ed McMahon or Pittsburgh's own Billy Mays.}

A Different Top Five Then You'll Currently Find at Rassles's Place

The very cool Rassles did a post about Michael Jackson and asked readers to share their picks for Top Five Michael Jackson songs. Which is a nice way to commemorate his passing. But earlier this week, and for no particular reason, I was telling EG about my top five U2 songs. Which would be (this is pretty much in order):

1. One
2. With or Without You
3. All I Want Is You
4. Angel of Harlem
5. Mysterious Ways

After a little thought, he told me that his are:

1. Love Is Blindness*
2. With or Without You
3. New Year's Day
4. Numb
5. Party Girl

Since then, he's been asking his friends and they've come up with some fun lists. Pezda has been tagged, maybe he'll leave his in the comments. And we hope you will, too.

I'm off to the Jersey Shore to rendezvous with some childhood girlfriends. Interestingly (or maybe not, but...) these girlfriends and I did a fourth grade talent show routine to "I'll Be There." On the radio yesterday morning, I heard that Carly Simon was 64 (and we'll still need her and we'll still feed her) and George Michael was 46.** I was gonna post about that after work yesterday, then I heard about Farrah Fawcett and then we all heard about Michael. I'm a little sorry for Farrah that she was totally eclipsed by Michael, but such is life.

Anyway, top five U2 songs. Get on it, gang!

*When he said that, I wished I'd thought of it. But even though it's a better song than "Mysterious Ways," I have a sentimental attachment to it (MW). It's the first U2 song I remember from when it came out.
**The fact that those two numbers are the same digits in opposite order makes some strange little place in me happy. Like palindromes, or when the number on the clock indicates my birthdate. Yeah, that's a little weird, but whatever.

Blogging at Work (Shhh!) to Bring You Breaking News

R.I.P., Farrah Fawcett.

Click here for the obituary in the New York Times.

So I'm Not the Scarlet Pirate IRL Anymore

As EG mentioned in The Shoe Post, the MS was causing double vision. Apparently, it's a common symptom, but not one I've dealt with before. I haven't driven in over a month - can't believe how much gas prices have gone up in that time - but yesterday I went eye-patch free the whole day. Partly, truth be told, because I thought it was in my purse and it wasn't. By the time I was on my way home there were some people with two heads and such. This morning, as yesterday morning, I only have it in my blind spot. But that still makes me leary of driving. Soon, I hope. EG needs me as DD for a barbecue this weekend and I'm roadtripping to the Jersey shore to rendezvous with some of my very long time girlfriends the weekend after. At least that's the plan. If I can't drive one of the girls says she'll meet my bus, which is great, but I'd like to have my own wheels.

The double vision was one thing, but starting middle of last week I was also having a hell of a hard time walking, so I decided to try a course of steroids. Weird how my doctor kind of leaves it up to me, but I guess I know what's going on in my body. I've been walking with a cane that the Genius has from when he pulled a muscle in his leg. (I'm pretty sure the originial muscle pull occurred during drunken Mardi Gras escapades in N'Awlins, but the prudent girlfriend doesn't ask questions. Me darlin' man is far closer to an angel than most, anyway.) The muscle pull has recurred at times, so he has a couple of canes. I'm using the one that doesn't have beads wrapped around a lot of it. (No beads at all, in fact.) I like the handle better. Yesterday I was still walking with it but I didn't need it nearly as much as on the few days previous. I can walk a lot faster with it, though.

I like The Scarlet Pirate as a title. Rather like I've hijacked the blog and am keeping EG tied up in a trunk on his porch. Not like he's not about ten times stronger than I am, but we women are wily; it could happen. Maybe. He actually has a trunk he'd probably fit in (smart move letting me know that, Baby!), but I'd never get it cleaned out and on the porch without him noticing. Assuming I could even drag it to the porch. (Snap out of it, Red.)

The most interesting thing about going around with an eye patch was the stares I'd get from little kids. Sometimes I'd pull it up so they could see my eye was still there and still okay. "See, it looks fine," I'd tell them, "it just doesn't see right right now." "Where'd you get it?" one little girl asked me (a grownup did, too). The answer is CVS - less than four bucks if any of you were thinking you'd like to go that route come Halloween.

Though I'm lucky enough to be employed, I'm nonetheless job hunting and quite busy just now, so posting may be sporadic. Sorry. If any of you wanna guest post, just give me a shout at the email on my profile. And if any of you have tips on picking up freelance writing work, you can contact me at the same email.

Time for breakfast. Happy Tuesday, gang.

Yeah, I'm Guessing You Guys Figured Out the New Headline, Too

Monday morning I logged on to WILATU (at the office, shhh!) to see if EG had posted anything I didn't know about and realized that he has once again left me in charge for a while. Also on Monday, I was going through my google alerts (for the section I write for our monthly trade magazine) and stumbled upon a new blogger. Here's her headline:

The Adventures of Bitter Betty and her Prosthetic Leg

Doodles/cartoons about life from the perspective of a young, bitter 20-something who just so happens to have a prosthetic leg. PLEASE PASS ON! It will make me hate myself just ever so slightly less, validate my self-worth, and lower my dependency on Dr Pepper and valium

I'm sure you can see why it reminded me of the Genius. Have you ever noticed what it says by the comment box? Anyway, I liked her first cartoon, you can check it out here. So stop by and welcome Betty to the 'sphere. And I'll stop by as often as I can, though I've got some stuff going on now myself. (EG's incredibly swamped right now, which I'm guessing is his biggest reason for needing a hiatus.) Welcome back to Red's place, gang.

"While Frank Sinatra sings 'Stormy Weather'..."

EG and I saw CAKE at the 9:30 Club last Sunday night. Among the reasons I've always liked these guys is that they follow their own rules (a rock band with a trumpet? Cool!) and they play a lot of waltzes (which goes along with the first thing, really). I was very psyched to get to see them, and glad we could go together.

In EG's CD collection, CAKE is filed under "Geek Rock", which is a category where we overlap. We own four of their albums between the two of us, and I have all four on my iPod. Going in, I kinda thought I'd enjoy the show no matter what they played, and that was basically true. I forgot my pen and paper, so the incomplete set list below is from memory.

Sad Songs & Waltzes
Short Skirt/Long Jacket
Mexico
Comfort Eagle
Song from their first album, new song?
Other stuff they played, in no particular order:
Daria
Let Me Go
Frank Sinatra

Somewhere in here, they took an intermission. Another thing most bands don't do. But it was kinda nice, actually.

Satan Is My Motor
Walk on By
Sheep Go to Heaven
Love You Madly
Never There
They played more, but I don't remember all of them. Plus, some of them were either from their first album, or new.

Encore
War Pigs
The Distance

If you've ever seen Ben Folds live, their styles have a lot in common. There was a lot of opportunity to sing along, and having the audience divide up - house left, house right; upstairs, downstairs; men, women - and compete against each other (which is different from Ben actually). They also had a bucolic backdrop featuring a mountainside and a disco ball (which may just always be at 9:30, but I don't remember it being used in other shows we've seen).

Other things that rocked about this show:

• They started at 8:35. The 9:30 Club is so called because that's usually what time the show starts. Usually the opening act goes on about 8:30ish . CAKE didn't bring an opening act and played for just over two hours including the intermission. You've gotta love that. Plus, neither of us loves staying up late, esp. on a work night, so it was great to get out of there at a decent hour.
  
• They opened with one of my favorite songs of theirs and generally played a very strong set.
• They gave away a tree. Kooky, offbeat and environmentally friendly!
• Their lead singer is really cool and fun. For all I know, they all are, but the lead singer did the talking.

So it was a damn good show and lots of fun. AND, it was 'cause of the club not the band, I think, but everyone in the house got a coupon for one free cupcake! How cool is that? They were good, too. If you ever get a chance to catch these guys, I would. Also, they've recently rereleased their first album and they should have a new one coming out at some point. They said something about how albums don't matter anymore. (A view I've heard at least one other artist express, but I disagree.) Anyway, damn good show.

Big Hoop Earring Experiment

#2 - Margaret Thatcher

Iron Lady.

West End tart?

Star Trek: A Review from a Non-Fan Boy's Perspective

I liked it.*

*Who's concise now, EG?

The Shoe Post

Red and I tried to clean out DSW yesterday. She had a coupon and a return to attend to. I was just biding time to go buy a part for my Jeep. But I got sucked in and almost bought more shoes than she did. Only because of their impressive offerings in Converse, which I had planned on buying a new pair of anyway.

Red didn't do too bad herself. She was able to find a few pairs she liked, and a few pairs I liked so much that I bought for her. (BTW gentlemen, if you are ever looking for a guaranteed score - take your significant other shoe shopping and offer to buy her an extra pair. Makes flowers look like some weak rookie shit.)

Since Red bought 4 pair and I bought 3, it is time for us to give you a little fashion show. Behold the coolness, and pretend like you're interested.

EG #1 - My pre-washed olive and natural Converse. These are unique as they are All Stars, but not Chuck Taylor's. They also have metal aglets on the laces and contoured soles.

EG #2 Special edition Jack Purcell Converse. These are designed as slip-ons with false eyelets. The bottom part of the tongue is sewn in and the top has elastic on the sides. The soles are also black and tan with special edition logo crap on them.

EG #3. Red and blue plaid Jack Purcell's. These were a must. They are a brief summary of my personality in shoe form. They are also special editions, but have the traditional Jack's bottoms.

Red #1. Zip front Keds. Adding a little panache to casual Fridays.

Red #2 - Bronze ballet flat/yoga shoe hybrids displayed in third position. An excellent alternative to her otherwise ubiquitous Mary Jane's. Click to zoom in and check out the ostrich skin texture (please excuse my lack of vacuuming.)

Red #3 - Super cute tres femme abbreviated Nike sneakers in navy with a tiny lime green swoosh.

Red #4 - The coup de grace and possibly the coolest shoes in the known universe - silver glitter disco ball Chuck Taylor low tops. (The sexy eye patch is not just a fun accessory, but also helps Red in her recovery from some MS induced double vision. The Elvis tee was once mine, but has long since been hijacked by the Scarlet Pirate.)

Her jeans are hitched up a bit to show them off in the pic below. Please be advised that these shoes are kept in a safe deposit box which requires two keys to open, of which Red and I each wear one around our necks on unbreakable metal cords. (I'm looking at you Cardiogirl!)

Thus concludes our Memorial Day shoe shopping post. We also went to see Star Trek, which Red plans to do a review on shortly (but almost assuredly not concisely.)

I Don't Want To Start Any Blasphemous Rumors...

The image of Jesus and/or the BVM have shown up in some odd places including water stains and scorch marks on various building materials, in the finish of early model muscle cars, and in an assortment of foodstuffs I shan't attempt to list. The latest, however, is beyond the level of my comprehension and the bounds of my mortal mind: a crucifix in a Cheetoh. I imagine a Vatican inquiry will be launched on a scale not seen since the Special Council assigned to investigate the Gummi Bear with stigmata that appeared in the late 80's. (It was ultimately determined to have come in contact with some strawberry Quick syrup, and was not actually bleeding.)

For what it is worth, below is an incomplete list of deities, demigods, and religious luminaries that have NOT (as yet) randomly produced their image in potato chip, grilled cheese, or Camaro form:

1. God the Father
2. God the Spirit
3. Moses
4. Elijah
5. Mohamed
6. Elijah Muhammad
7. Shivah
8. Vishnu
9. Brahma
10. Oprah
    
11. Krishna
12. Krishna Krishna
    
13. Hare Krishna
14. Hare Krishna
15. Krishna Krishna
16. Hare Hare
17. Hare Rama
18. Hare Rama
19. Rama Rama
20. Hare Hare
21. Julius Caesar
22. Augustus Caesar
23. Kim Il-Sung
24. Kim Jong-Il
    
25. The Wiccan Triple Goddess
    
26. Waheguru
27. Unkulunkulu
28. The Buddha
29. Dali Lama V
30. Dali Lama IX
31. Dali Lama XII
32. Apollo
33. Hermes
34. Venus
35. Gaea
36. Artemis
37. Ares
    
38. Zeus
39. Chronos
40. Uranus
41. Poseidon
42. Hades
    
43. Satan
44. Kali
45. Loki
46. Thor
47. Thor Heyerdahl
    
48. Haile Salassie
49. The Flying Spaghetti Monster
50. The Force
51. Mooby
52. Crom
53. Gozer the Gozarian
54. Gozer the Traveler
55. Gozer the Destroyer
    
56. Charlie Manson
57. Jim Jones
    
58. Marshall Applewhite and Bonnie Nettles
59. Yaweh ben Yaweh
    
60. The Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
61. David Koresh
62. The Reverend Sun Myung Moon
63. Reverend Run
64. Lao Tse
65. Joseph Smith
66. Ra

Another One Bites the Dust?!!

First it was McGone. Then Falwless started posting only once in a blue moon. Beth has been similarly sporadic. Chris at "Surviving Myself" thought about giving it up, but he came back. So, has anyone else clicked on over to "Save Your Generation" lately? That's been one of my go-to blogs for quite a while now. 'Cause for a while there Pistols at Dawn posted every day for more than a year. And then he did that thing with his sidebar so you can see who's updated recently, so that was another reason to go there. So yesterday I clicked on the boobs/doritos/dictionary/Journey icon on our sidebar and got the following message:

This blog is open to invited readers only

What? This didn't make sense. Pistols tells us all kinds of stuff; he hardly seems like the private type. So I emailed him and he told me that he's going to stop blogging! Say it ain't so, Pistols! You could just take an EG style hiatus. You could take the summer off and come back in the fall! Maybe you could get The Girl to write it while you're gone. Your readership has expressed an interest in hearing from her. Of course, it's possible she'll be funnier than you are. (Something EG has never had to worry about when he leaves me in charge.) But at least someone would be manning the controls at SYG. Kat won't help you out?

So here's another thing - even if you're not gonna blog for a while (I do not yet accept that you may be done done), I, for one, would really appreciate it if you leave your blog up. 'Cause I didn't read you from the get go, and I could go back now and read the early posts that I haven't seen yet. Also, I could still see the "who's posted lately" sidebar.

In all seriousness, P@D, sometimes we all have stuff going on and blogging has to take a backseat at least for a while. But as long as I have a job that kinda sucks (and it's hard to imagine when I won't), I'm gonna miss you if you're not around. Comment once in a while at least, huh? And I will still hold out hope that you will miss us and return to blogging. But I hope that you'll at least put the blog back up. At least for a while?

I'll be watching, Pistols. I won't stop believing! Now, of late I've been setting my posts to publish at 9 am so that I could be at the top of your blogroll at the beginning of a workday. But fuck it. It's 8:33 on a Wednesday and I'm just going to hit publish.

My Lunch Today Reminded Me of a Recent Conversation with EG

Red: Spinach salad is so massively much better with bacon.

EG4K: What isn't?

COWBOYMONKEYTACODELIVERYDOG

This clip has renewed my will to live. (Temporarily.)

Big Hoop Earring Experiment

#1 Madeline Albright

Respectable.

Do-able?

Another fallen hero...

It was understandable that the loss of Bea Arthur got a lot of coverage in the blog world, especially in the What I Like About the Universe Universe (as I have come to refer to our corner of the blogosphere.) But it has been a week and not a peep about the second in the inevitable trilogy of deaths. Not even a shout-out at The 'Stache!

Can it be that I alone will honor Mr. Deluise? Who else will stand with me?

Kate Winslet

I like this song. I hope you do too. (If you like my taste in music, check out Rock And Roll Astronaut Radio and my other stations on Pandora (scroll down to the bottom of my sidebar.))

Hot Shirtless Man of the Quarter*

Ah, Ewan McGregor. I'm pretty sure this shot is from Down With Love, which was very much up my street, though I can see it might not be everyone's cup of tea. Anyway, enjoy the pic, girls.

*I checked and the last "Hot Shirtless Man of the Month was 2/9/09**
**We're not counting the pics that were part of the Wolverine review.

Argyle Chick of the Month

Wolverine: A Review from a Non-Fan Boy's Perspective

Heading into this weekend, I'd seen all the X-Men movies because of EG. We watched the first two at home in preparation for seeing X-Men: The Last Stand when it came out. I didn't know what I was getting into, but I enjoyed the flicks. I know jack about comics, but I saw Ian McKellan (who plays Magneto) onstage when I studied in London. I'd also seen footage of Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart (who plays Charles Xavier) from their days at the Royal Shakespeare Company, which gave me an appreciation for their history together that I'd imagine most fan boys lack.

He would have had no reason, really, to think I wouldn't want to see Wolverine, but he still phrased it well. "Hey," he said, "wanna go see Hugh Jackman with his shirt off?" Yes, please! I was a little worried that the teens in the row behind us would be annoying during the movie because they were during the previews, but my boyfriend the badass took care of that by turning around and glaring at them a couple of times. That was all it took. : )

Once the credits rolled, I was excited to see Ryan Reynolds name, but especially so to see Liev Schreiber's. I probably first saw Liev in Walking and Talking, an indie film one of my girlfriends likes, and caught his act again in Kate and Leopold, which was quite possibly where he met Hugh Jackman. During my time in New York, though, I saw him on Broadway in Harold Pinter's Betrayal and in Shakespeare in the Park, where he played the title role in Henry V in the summer of 2002, I think? He's got serious chops, as theatre people say, and he was great as Victor/Sabretooth. Whoever does these movies gets high marks from me for casting people who can actually act. I'm fine with Liev keeping it all on, but he's sexy nonetheless because he's so talented. Sure, he's playing a bad guy, but he's a very satisfactory bad guy.

The first part of the movie has a very pleasing amount of beefcake. Ryan Reynolds never takes his shirt off, but neither does that shirt have sleeves. So while he's executing some relatively impressive fight choreography his arms look positively edible. Hugh Jackman is also full on naked for a little while, though the lower body stuff is minimized and there's certainly no full frontal. Which I'm not complaining about. If there were, it would be completely gratuitous. His ass looks great even when he's in pants, but it's funny - my reaction to Hugh Jackman, hottie though he is, is rather dispassionate. I admire him as a marvelous physical specimen and yet I don't want to jump on him like a trampoline. (Ryan Reynolds, on the other hand...Hey, did you know he's actually married to Scarlet Johanson now? It was very recently that I even heard they were dating.) Will.i.am. isn't my type, but he handles his role quite capably.

There are also some good lookin' young'uns - whoever they've got playing Gambit and whoever plays the young Cyclops. Gambit is more or less full grown but Cyclops, in this film, is what I refer to as a puppy. Basically, any guy who's under 25 is a puppy; Cyclops is 21, tops. (There are a couple of puppies in the show I'm doing now. One of them is very cute indeed but thinking of them in those terms helps me to keep them in their proper place in my thoughts.)

The writing and the plot are good, too. The main bad guy is odious and he gets his at the end in a satisfying fashion. EG felt that things got a little cheesy in spots, but I didn't really notice; this is essentially a melodrama so a little bit of cheese doesn't bother me. I give it four stars (out of a possible five). There's only one main girl, but she's pretty, I'd say. And there is plenty of eye-candy for the ladies, but that's a good thing since we're the ones who are probably sitting there to humor the men.

Nothing really matters to me...

Mechanical Rhapsody (click below to start)

Vocals - HP ScanJet 3C
Piano/organ - Atari 800XL
Guitar - Texas Instruments TI-99/4a
Bass - 8 Inch Floppy Disk
Gong - 3.5 inch Harddrive

Lesser known Eric Carle books

• Black Bear, Black Bear What Do You Smell?"

• "Grizzly Bear, Grizzly Bear What Do You Taste?"

• "The Very Misunderstood Dung Beetle"

• "Panda Bear, Panda Bear Why Won't You Fuck?"

• "The Very Rich Children's Author"

• "Oh Shit! Daddy Is So Baked Right Now!"

• "The Very Hungry Caterpillar 2: Wrath of the Butterfly"

You Guys ARE the Best

As you guys know 'cause EG and I have been talking about it for a month and a half, Walk MS 2009 was this past Saturday. Since this is a walk to raise awareness as well as funds, participants were asked to deck out in bright orange. This is typically NOT a color I don, so we hit the mall Friday night to pick up some appropriate gear. (I'm happy to say the dress was only $10.) If you raised $500 or more, you got the long sleeved T-shirt that you see EG sporting in the photo. I gave it to him, both because I never could have walked 5K without him, and also because I raised a total of $1650 for the National MS Society, and a lot of that was with the help of me darlin' man.

The WILATU community, led by Wendy Brandes*, raised $500! A big thanks to all those who contributed to that total, including:

• Suze of Suzel's Sass
• Beth of A Cup of Coffey
• Red from Gingers Is the Watchword
• Skyler's Dad from Some Days It's Not Worth Chewing through the Leather Straps
• McGone, who used to write the International House of Blogcakes
  
• WhiskeyMarie of Never What You Think It Should Be
• Fran I Am and
• Grant Miller of Grant Miller Media.

I also thank those of you who expressed moral support. I don't single out those who gave to make anyone who didn't feel bad, but rather because I am touched and humbled by the kindness of these folks, 2/3 of whom have never met either of us offline.

Thanks also to Pezda, Robin and Kylie, who are our friends IRL and therefore not counted as part of the blog friends total, but they all stop by here from time to time, so I wanted to include them in the thanks list. (Also my brothers; Brother #2 stops by here sometimes and getting anything at all from a broke grad student is very sweet.)

As I indicated at the top, I couldn't even have finished the walk without the Evil Genius. It took us (because of me) about 2.5 hours to walk 5K. He stopped for the frequent breaks I needed, gave me an arm the whole time and just generally had the patience of a saint. He didn't actually pick me up and carry me until I crossed the finish line (at which point he scooped me up, deposited me in some shade, got me water and then hit the ATM so we could grab a cab home), but he would have if I asked him to. My hero! He also made a nice contribution to the walk and is always, always there when I need him. I try to let you know how much I appreciate it, Honey. I really hope you do.

Thanks again, all of you. You guys are the best.

*Make sure to check her out if you're in the market for fine jewelry, men's or women's.

Bea Arthur R.I.P.

Please pause for a moment of Golden silence.

EDITOR'S NOTE: I thought I had this one, but I was seriously scooped by Some Guy.

The MS Walk-a-thon is Saturday, April 25

Have you read Red's MS post? Let me sum it up for you: "Hi, I'm Red. I have MS. I like watching the West Wing. EG is helping me do the DC Walk MS event this year. Please Donate!" After that I made the button over there on the right so it would be easy to click and go right to her personal donation page. Donations can be made up until the very last minute, so there is still time. And if you think I am above using pictures of puppies to get you to donate, you have sadly underestimated how evil I am.

So if you have been all "Yeah, I've been meaning to donate. I have been pretty busy with doing stuff and junk. You know it is. Oh, hey look! There's that thing. I have to go now. Bye."






Now you can be all "Hellz ya I donated! I'm a muthafuckin' Rock Star! Woot! Woot!"








So just click on the linked MS Walk logo and take about two minutes to fill out the form. We don't care if you donate 50¢ or $50, we sincerely appreciate ALL donations.

Many, many thanks to those of you who have been kind and generous enough to do so already. I would like to give you all a shout out, but I don't want to shame those who haven't. Yet. But you know who you are and we are truly grateful for your help. May the deity of your choice, or lack thereof, favor you with blessings of health and good fortune.

And if you are in the DC metro area, come downtown and cheer on me and Miss Stumbly McFalldown. Be sure to bring huge posters with pictures of Katherine Hepburn that say "Go, Red! Go!"