Monday, May 14, 2007

Condiment Social Commentary

My dinner tonight consisted of a garden burger (the soy kind, though I like the veggie kind better,) some crinkle cut Ore-Ida fries, a spinach salad and some V-8 blueberry/pomegranate juice. Not unpalatable, but not the most appealing choices. These are the sacrifices you make when you are trying to stave off death.

During the course of the preparation of this sumptuous feast, I noticed something odd. I own a 17.5 ounce bottle of mustard. How the hell am I, as a single man, ever going to use this much mustard? I wonder if I even considered that when I made my purchase. I was probably just looking at the cents per ounce breakdown and thought about the good deal I was getting.

The next time you are at the grocery store notice how many "family sized" items there are versus how many "single guy sized" items. I think it is clear that Safeway is trying to weed out non-procreating humans. They do not generate more consumers and are therefore unnecessary.


Lucidiocy said...

my little sisters like mustard.

Evil Genius said...

I see where you're going with this! You're in cahoots with Safeway, aren't you?

GETkristiLOVE said...

Who cares about single-man size mustard when now I can't get "That's Ore-ida!" out of my head. Damn you.

Evil Genius said...


At least I wasn't singing "Tom's Diner." I have scientifically determined this to be the catchiest song ever made.

Oh, and thanks for stopping by!


pezda said...

I, too, like mustard. I'm the only one in my family however, so I'm with EG on the size thing.

Aw, crap. The word verification has 47 letters crammed into that little box.

Lucidiocy said...


duh da dada duh da dada duh da dada dada dada

curse you evil genius!

Grant Miller said...

Garden burgers are not murder.

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

Hopefully, it was at least the "spicy brown" kind you showed in the pic. 17.5 oz. of the plain kind is kind of depressing.

For veggie burgers, I prefer the Boca ones (which are soy, I guess). Slather them with some Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce & they're deent, though.

But, yeah, as a single guy, you should go in for the small-batch stuff -- the gourmet dijon varieties and what not. Be a mustard snob, why not?

Evil Genius said...


Word verification is now off, you big whiner! (It is always just a series of q's anyway.)


I know. I'm sorry.


Vegetable rights and peace!


It is indeed the Heinz spicy brown pictured. I always buy Pittsburgh whenever possible.


Lucidiocy said...

Mustard now has 10.

Aspeth said...

Too freaking true! I've taken to snatching condiment packets anytime I get near them, for just this reason. Of course, it means I'm headed down the path of being a little old woman with a sack full of pilfered artificial sweeteners... but at least Safeway has to rethink their distribution plan :)