Dale asks. I answer.
1. Given the choice, would you rather have your likeness turned into a Pez dispenser or a background character with no lines on The Simpsons?
This is a dilemma for unfortunate reasons. At this point it is the lesser of two evils. The Simpsons has been in a well-noted state of decline for the past eight or so years. Being a backdrop character in a Season 19 suck-fest would be a dubious honor indeed. So it would seem that being a Pez dispenser would be an automatic winner. But there is a problem there too. You used to have to be someone to be on a Pez dispenser. Now they have characters from every animated piece of crap before it ever even hits the screen. Where is the honor in that? If they would upgrade me to a speaking part and give me creative control of the episode, I would go with the Simpsons. Seeing how that does not fit the stipulated guidelines, then the choice is easy. Pez. Cherry flavored Pez.
2. Friday, April 21, 2006 would have me believe that you've lived in a lot of different places. Which was your favourite and where are you going next?
Someone has been reading my back catalog! (For all others, this is both encouraged and appreciated.)
I am from Pittsburgh, and that will always be home. But I am waiting patiently for the day I can return to Chicago. That is both my favorite, and where I am going next. DC is one of my least favorite places. I am finally adapting and trying to make the best of my time here. But only with the understanding that I will eventually move back to Chicago is this even possible.
3. You like to make lists. Can you give me 5 reasons why? And why argyle?
1. People like lists. (Ask David Letterman.)
2. Lists are a quick and effective way to communicate information.
3. Lists create conversation through disagreement (e.g. argyle.)
4. Amongst the things lists evoke are: fear, surprise, efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.
5. With bullet points, you can lose track. (Refer to #2 for further clarification.)
Argyle has a certain style and classicism to it, but really doesn't go with much. In high school I took to wearing argyle socks with my Chuck Taylor's for clash value. Argyle socks have since become a comfort item for me. (I will probably cut and paste this for WILATU #60.)
4. If you had to do 5 minutes of stand up comedy, would you go for political jokes, funny stories about yourself or would you smash watermelons and hope for the best?
Five minutes of no-holds-barred self-deprecation punctuated with intentional awkward pauses. Sort of a mix of Rodney Dangerfield and Mitch Hedberg.
5. How can Eat 'n Park be America's Favorite Family Restaurant if I've never heard of it? Did Steak n Shake even make the top 5?
Eat'n'Park is centered in Pittsburgh and extends through Ohio, West Virginia, and I am guessing Maryland. People from Pittsburgh understand that there is a universe outside of the Ohio River Valley, but only as an abstract concept. When viewed from this perspective, Eat'n'Park is America's favorite family restaurant.
I got food poisoning from Steak n Shake in Indiana. As far as I am concerned, they are not even eligible for the list. When Eat'n'Park embraces manifest destiny and extends their reach to Canada, I am sure you will be converted. But it certainly isn't worth a special trip down to check one out.