Friday, September 07, 2007

Desert Island Companion

Anandamide tagged me. I am supposed to pick a celebrity I would want to be stranded on a desert island with. I was trying to do this strategically. I thought of Queen Elizabeth II. My rationale being that if she were stranded on a desert island, rescue would be immanent for both of us. Along a different course of thought both Milla Jovovich and Brooke Shields have desert island experience. And though conversation would be a plus, there really is only one criterion we are looking to fulfill here. So I came up with a talent pool to draw from:

Redheads:
Alicia Witt
Deborah Messing
Nicole Kidman
Shirley Manson (Garbage)
Lindsay Lohan
Claire Danes
Penelope Anne Miller
Lolita Davidovitch
Dolores O'Roirdan (the Cranberries)
Belinda Carlaisle
Julianne Moore
Kim Possible (cartoon)

Blondes:
Charlize Theron
Jenna Elfman
Julia Stiles
Tea Leoni
Faith Hill
Avril Lavigne
Julie Bowen
Xtina
Holly Morris (DC Fox 5 local interest)

Brunettes:
Ashley Judd
Tina Fey
Winona Ryder
Natalie Portman
Lauren Graham (Gilmore Mom)
Karen O (The Yeah Yeah Yeahs)
Chrissy Hynde (The Pretenders)
Raquel Welch (even now)
Jane Weidlin (The Go Gos)
Elizabeth Hurley
Maggie Gylenhall
Harriet Wheeler (The Sundays)
Parker Posey
CZJ
Lisa Loeb
Grant Miller
Mya Rudolph
Sherilyn Fenn (Twin Peaks)
Chyler Leigh (Google her)
Maura Tierney
Jessica Biel

Other:
Pink
E-surance chick (cartoon)
Nymphadora Tonks (Natalie Tena)
Cyndi Lauper (still)

OK, OK. I just have to stop there. Obviously this list could continue. And since this is pure fantasy, as indicated by the inclusion of several two-dimensional characters, it needs to be noted that I have not even tapped into the realm of dead chicks.

I am drawing this out unnecessarily. My selection is obvious, too obvious in fact. Tina Fey - no question about it. I shudder in near orgasm at the mention of her name. But she is destined for another post. Instead I am going back a little further. Back in the pre-Tina era of the 90's there was another celebrity that was my #1 Crush.


Oh yes Shirley, you can touch me if you want. I just have to add that she would be required to communicate exclusively through song. Her Scottish brogue is a bit rough. In spite of that I still say she is the sexiest bitch alive. I have no idea what being alone with her for an extended period of time would be like, but I'd be willing to give it a go.

Now I need to start thinking about what 10 albulms I would pack.

24 comments:

anandamide said...

Well done, although you missed a great comic opportunity not expanding on your desire to take Grant Miller...

I look forward to your ten albums...

Evil Genius said...

I thought his subtle inclusion on the list was comedy enough.

Hot Lemon said...

Hmmm... the only fly in the ointment (for me, at least) would be "what if none of these women found me even remotely attractive?"

for all the pale redheads, I ask the question: "would they get badly sunburnt and therefore NOT pale anymore??"

Speaking of sunburn-- do we get to rub it on their backs, or would they be so burnt that they wouldn't want us to touch 'em??

Also, would we have to do all the cooking? Most celebs don't seem that into making leg traps and skinning dead pigs...

A Ghost's Story said...

re: Ms. Shirley, just 'cuz she's wearing a SEX necklace, doens't mean that she likes getting sand in her bum on the beach.

I'm with Lemon on this one-- what if the one you chose didn't like bald men?? THEN where would you be??

Evil Genius said...

HL,

The idea is that they are also stuck with you and left with no options. And I have no doubt that I could work my charms given the chance. Also in my favor is a mutual dislike of the sun. As for the bald thing, I distinctly remember her shaving the head of her prey in the "Queer" video. That is circumstantial evidence at best, but I'll admit it. And I have experience dealing with tempermental red heads. As far as cooking goes, I am the hunter/gatherer. Her sole worry is cleaning the sand out of her bum.

AGS,

It figures you would agree with Lemon! This is some sort of conspiracy to keep me Shirley free, isn't it?

-EG

Flannery Alden said...

I thought you were only supposed to pick one. Which is it?

Beth said...

Darn. I was hoping to land on your Potential Brunettes list. Damn that Grant Miller!

Evil Genius said...

Flann,

I picked Shirley Manson. She's a wee sexy lass she is.

Beth,

The list was not all-inclusive. Maybe we could work you in there.;) But isn't Grant Miller dreamy?

-EG

deadspot said...

Tina Fey and Shirley Manson?

Please to get out of my head now.

Hot Lemon said...

actually, I think it's a conspiracy to get Shirley to ourselves... Well, that is, really to ME...

Grant Miller said...

Thanks for the inclusion. Although, technically, I claimed Charlize Theron long ago.

Alicia Witt? From "Three's Company Fame?"

Evil Genius said...

No. No. No. That is Joyce DeWitt. I am talking about Alicia Witt from the Cybill Shepard show. Speaking of which, I would also give Christine Baranski the business!

Evil Genius said...

How rude. Mr. Miller got me so fired up (on purpose no doubt) that I skipped right over Deadspot and HL.

Deadspot,

I'm in your head steelin' your seckshyul fantaseez.

HL,

yeah, but did you get a look at her SHOES?

-EG

GETkristiLOVE said...

I hope Shirley is worth it, cuz ain't no one coming to rescue her ass.

I give it five months and you'll be at each other's throats.

Evil Genius said...

Which is precisely why I didn't choose you, Kristi.

minijonb said...

Nice list of redheads, but you left Gillian Anderson off... what were you thinking?

Evil Genius said...

JB,

She's a'ight, but she's no Kim Possible!

-EG

p.s.
Link status has been granted because I have been in that kind of mood lately.

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

First of all, you can have Charlize, as my date went predictably sour with her.

Second, I have a theory about Tina Fey... I think she's the secret crush of about a million guys who think she's pretty damn hot (which she is) but who also think that most other guys don't. So, it's like she's all yours, you know? Accessible or something... Only, two things... (1) most guys, once they get a look at her, also find her hot (thus reducing her accessibility via significantly increased competition for said hottie), and (2) she also probably comes across as one of those chicks who doesn't know how hot she is, and may bhave been that way years ago but, after being on SNL and in the limelight for so long, she probably now thinks of herself as ultra-hot (which she is), thus further complicating matters in the celebrity-accessibility vector of sexual space time. (I phrased that last part in rocket science to clear things up, considering your recent travels and all...) Make sense?

Evil Genius said...

As far as our strong African sister is concerned, apparently Grant called dibs.

You have a lot of valid points about Tina, but ultimately chicks with scars rock and that is all there is to that. But as stated, there will be much more to be said about her on this blog and plenty of room for discussion.

GETkristiLOVE said...

Good call, EG. Plus, it would only last as long as it takes for your hair to grow out.

Grant Miller said...

Oh. Okay. I'd never heard of Alicia DeWitt until now.

But why no Joyce DeWitt?

And Cybil Shepard was my first in some cosmic way. It's shame you left her off.

Grant Miller said...

I mean Alicia Witt.

Evil Genius said...

GkL,

You are so shallow!

Grant,

Would I would consider Cybil Shepard? Do bears bear? Do bees be? Joyce DeWitt, not so much.

-EG

Dale said...

Tina and Shirley. I take it back. You are smart.