Friday, October 05, 2007

The Long-Awaited Chicago Blogger Post

You are all a special part of my universe and I wish you all could have been there (now possible by photoshopping yourself into the pic below.) I do plan on trying to meet more of you over the course of time. In the case of Pistols at Dawn it doesn't seem likely that I can avoid him much longer. So even though I once aspired to be the J.D. Salinger of the blogosphere, perhaps I will become the Scott Fitzgerald instead!

Most of the events of the evening have already been recounted. The one point I must emphasize is a culinary one. If you ever find yourself in the Lincoln Square neighborhood of Chicago stop by Feed the Beast and get the macaroni and cheese. It is inspired and transcendent. Seriously.

But what everyone seems to want is the dirt. So here it is:

Johnny Yen: He wears an original Spiro Agnew watch. And possibly women's underwear, but that is based purely my own speculation.

Bubs: He knows the truth about black helicopters and is an avid runner. He also gave me some great tips on where and how to download porn in public.

The Idea of Progress: You know that guy whose neighbors end up on the evening news describing as a quiet guy who keeps to himself? The Idea of Progress would give an excellent interview as one of those neighbors.

Grant Miller of Grant Miller Media: I shook Grant's hand and the first thing that crossed my mind was, "Those are the softest hands I have ever felt on a man." Grant carries himself with all the ease of a hooker in a V.D. clinic. (Which I will leave up to your own poetic interpretation.)

Other secrets revealed: Pezda is not a woman. I am not sure where this idea came from, but he ain't. To be fair I have never given him the old Bob's-your-uncle (though I have seen him in uncomfortably advanced stages of undress,) so it is possible that he is just the ugliest chick I have ever met.

I also had to explain who Red is since she has started popping up on all of your blogs now. She claims not to read my blog anymore, but I think she still sneaks a peek every now and then. (Sure you don't want to comment on that post I linked to, Red?)

I am also proud to say the event inspired a new (evil) generation of bloggers. Do you want to be inspired too? Be sure to get your own clever t-shirt commemorating the event at the Rock and Roll Astronaut Store (near the bottom of the page.)

And of course, I flirted with the waitress.


Skylers Dad said...

Now that I've seen Ms. Waitress, I am doubly sorry I wasn't there!

Grant Miller said...

Who's the handsome guy in plaid?

Grant Miller said...

Oh wait. The handsome guy in plaid in the first row, I mean.

pistols at dawn said...

At least I won't be the only one not winning any Black Weblog Awards next year.

Evil Genius said...

Holy Fuck! I haven't even posted the article yet. I was just testing out the pictures. Hold on one hot minute!

Johnny Yen said...

Yeah, I wondered about the dishing! Let's get on with it!

Evil Genius said...

OK. Now you may proceed with the comments.

Johnny Yen said...

I don't wear women's underwear, but I do own a pair of Beavis and Butthead boxer shorts. I have to fight the women off with a stick when I wear them.

I'm confused about "zeevildictator?"-- did my son actually go ahead and start his "evil dictator" blog, or is that you impersonating him, because that is exactly the blog he would have if he had one.

I can't remember, did he do his "Dr. Evil" impression at any point in the night? It's uncanny. Seriously.

Evil Genius said...


Re: underpinnings

The more you make claims to the contrary the more it proves my point.

Re: Dr. Evil

I wish I were good enough to pull off a fake blog. That is all him.


pistols at dawn said...

How popular are you that you just throw up a couple photos and your comments are blowing up?

I've oft hoped to be F. Scott myself, in that I'd like to marry a crazy bitch and end up buried in Rockville with a scenic view of the Pike and a Marlo Furniture.

And I totally worked on that movie linked to on the page the Red explanation was linked to. It was in postproduction hell because it SUCKED. I know it still sucked upon release, but that was a major improvement from the previous version, which just goes to prove no one who makes movies has any idea what they are doing.

Bubs said...

Who's the handsome guy in plaid in the second row?

Yes, you flirted with the waitress. I was too busy talking about the heroin problem at her high school to hit on her.

Evil Genius said...

Senor Pistola,

I didn't have any original posts in the month of August and enjoyed my largest readership ever. How is that for popular?

I would like to hear more of you post-production tales. It is relevant to my interests.


At least one of us has his priorities straight!




I wish I would have had someone else take the picture so that there was more of her in the frame. Because there certainly was more of her.

Chris said...

Grant carries himself like a hooker at a V.D. clinic because he's had lots of experience in that area.

Sorry, Grant. I kept it secret for a long time. It was bound to come out eventually.

anandamide said...

a little easy on the dirt, EG. do you have a secret blog where you really lay out what a bunch of sociopaths these guys really are?

Evil Genius said...


That may explain my recent burning sensation.


I dug deep. They're pretty clean. Bunch of fuckin' Eagle Scouts actually. (I only made it to First Class myself.)

-Evil Genius

lulu said...

I think I might know that waitress.

Evil Genius said...


JY seemd to know her from working with someone's brother or something. So it is entirely possibel.


lulu said...

JY knows absolutely everyone. I sent him to my friends' restaurant to look for a waiting job and he knew one of the waitresses there. At some point someone here in Bangladesh will come up to me and say "You're from Chicago? DO you know Johnny Yen?" (only he'll say JY's real name)

Evil Genius said...

I hear that if you say JY's real name three times when you're looking in the mirror that a random urban legend will come true. I tried it and an alligator crawled out of my toilet.

Evil Genius said...

I have no idea what that last comment was supposed to mean.

GETkristiLOVE said...

Okay, okay, even though I had crude tools to work with, I played along.

Evil Genius said...

That is awesome, excellent, fabulous, and funny as hell.