Sunday, October 07, 2007

The Darjeeling Limited (not actually a movie review)

Sons of fucking bitches! I am not sure who I am most upset with. Let's start with myself. I have been wasting most of my weekend fucking around with my computer trying to get this damn iTunes movie to play. I do not have an iPod. I have a very dated version of iTunes on my drive. I have bitched on numerous occasions about my stupid crappy laptop that I want to through through the window right now.

I am sorry. Let me back up.

I went to see The Darjeeling Limited last night. There is a false start to the movie where they introduce the companion short that is supposed to serve as prologue for the movie. Unknown forces whom I shall collective refer to as "those bastards" decided that this short will not be played in American theaters whether for time or content I am not sure. Instead you are instructed to visit the website to view Hotel Chevalier online.

The movie was decent. Nothing will touch Rushmore. It was better than The Life Aquatic. Maybe on par with the Royal Tenenbaums. I had an enjoyable evening by myself. Dinner was a bowl of chirashi sushi and a Samuel Adams at the casual sushi bar a few blocks up. Then I enjoyed an autumn evening stroll to the art house movie theater where I arrived early enough to get a double espresso and a Toblerone. (I am not a cheap date. )

But they make so many references to the Hotel Chevalier and Natalie Portman's unseen character that I feel I didn't really see the whole film. So back to the cussing: Stupid fucking Steve Jobs and his stupid proprietary software, stupid fucking Bill Gates for making him paranoid and making his shit not compatible, stupid fucking Hewlett and stupid fucking Packard for making this piece of shit laptop, stupid fucking American film industry THOSE BASTARDS! Like any dork going to a Wes Anderson film is going to care about 12 more minutes? Like anyone is going to die if we see Natalie Portman's naked bony frame? Look at the damn movie poster. It bears the face of a woman who is in the film for literally 2 seconds!

So I have downloaded the damn short, but it plays very choppy. VERY choppy. The soundtrack plays fine but the video is every 5 to 10 seconds. In short, I cannot play this stupid movie in a watchable environment. I have no idea how the movie begins. Well, I have an idea but that's it. I guess it doesn't really matter, but I want to scream and break things.

I may end up at Best Buy tonight.


pistols at dawn said...

I am sort of excited about the movie, but I'd be more so if I was seeing Natalie's ass. I'm simple that way.

Also, a Toblerone? Were you about to take an international flight?

Evil Genius said...

I would like to see her ass too, but the frame that Quicktime froze on just showed a lot of ribcage.

And I would usually get Raisinettes, but they had Toblerone. It was too tempting. They also had Swedish Fish, but they were the sub par multicolor ones.

lulu said...

I am sure that I can get you a bootleg copy here in the bootleg video store (there is no none bootleg video store)but the mails are very unreliable here and it probably wouldn't make it back to the States.

The movie poster is very cool though.

pistols at dawn said...

Also, don't own an iPod? Prefer the Edison wax cylinders, do you? I hear there's a stunning recording of the Lincoln-Douglas debates.

Your hatred of multicolored Swedes is duly noted.

Moreover, the dinner of sushi for one made me sad. Please make your stories more fictional, where you couldn't pick which 8 buxom blondes to nail that night.

Evil Genius said...

If you find that depressing, you better just stop reading. This was essentially a "happy" post.

Evil Genius said...


Wow that is sweet. I appreciate the thought. I will survive until it is released on DVD here or I get a new computer. I am thinking the latter will come first.


Grant Miller said...

Hey - lay off Packard.

Skylers Dad said...

I have to agree with Grant here, Packard was a genius, Hewlett just wrote a fairly good business plan.

minijonb said...

i loved Rushmore, but Wes A. has been slippin' since then. i'll only go see this if there is confirmed Natalie Portman nudity.

J (Son et Lumiere) ... said...

Try Youtube.

Hotel Chevalier:

Part 1.

Part 2.

Evil Genius said...

Grant & SkyDad,

Guilty by association.


I agree on Rushmore. Nat appears only in the short "Hotel Chevalier."


Have I told you lately that I love you?


pezda said...

Didn't I warn you not to buy that computer in the first place? Tsk. Tsk. I have heard (on separate occasions) Adrian Brody and Jason Scwartzman on NPR talk about this movie. My interest was piqued, but I'm sure I won't be able to see it until it's netflixable.

GETkristiLOVE said...

What, your laptop sucks so bad it won't load the latest version of iTunes?

Toblerone and an espresso... are you sure you don't send off gay vibes?

Valerie said...

I think it's cool when a person can dine by themself.

Maybe because I like to do it too.


Evil Genius said...


For the hundredth time, you warned me about HP AFTER I bought this computer! Which isn't so much a warning at that point as it is an admonition.

The Netflix route is probably best.


It downloaded iTunes. It downloaded the movie. It will not play the movie.

And that is exactly what I thought when I ordered the Toblerone and espresso, but nary a glance from any of the other patrons who were putting off a vibe.


Going to the movies solo took more courage on my part. Though the couple at the sushi bar did kind of look upon me with pity. But I did have Sam Adams to keep me company.