I am not here to bemoan not being able to turn myself into a sweet transvestite from Pennsylvania, I am here to bemoan my zero gaydar signature. I don't even give off a blip. Most straight guys would brag about this, but it pisses me off!
Now I am not claiming to be John Waters or anything, but here are a list of reasons one might assume I was gay:
- Unhealthy obsession with Morrissey.
- Did not have a serious girlfriend until I was 30.
- Always seen with my best friend from high school who:
- Is a musician
- Is slender in build
- Almost never in a committed relationship
- Typical artsy type
- I too am an artist.
- I dress well. (Though admittedly in a desperately hetero manner.)
- Have an unhealthy obsession with The Smiths.
- Suffer from arrested development.
- Lobbied for "Arrested Development."
- Went to a school full of sailors, and subsequently spent a lot of time at sea.
- Did I mention the unhealthy obsession with Morrissey?
I tried the sex shop, the gay bar, the underwear store - but never got a second look. I had a salesman gently flirt with me once at the leather store (not that kind) when I was buying a wallet. But it wasn't sincere.
Maybe I am just really bad at picking up vibes. I know with women, they have to be as obvious as possible before I get the hint. Yeah, that has to be it! I bet gay men are even more subtle than straight women.
That is the only explanation. It can't be me.