Monday, January 07, 2008

Absolutely no stars were wished upon in the writing of this post.

I am not having a good day for mental health. I was walking to the bookstore to enjoy the weather and finally buy a calendar (Lichtenstein at 50% off) but I forgot where I was and what I was doing at least three times. This would not be so bad if I hadn't had what I will call an emotional misstep this morning.

Anyway, in the spirit of me losing my marbles, here is another post I have been sitting on about the cricket (several crickets actually, but I have combined them into one as I never see more than one at a time) whom I have named "Cricket Shit." And I am butt-ass lonely and bat-shit crazy enough to talk to random insects in my apartment. Though, at this point I hardly think of Cricket Shit as being random.

I am slightly less lonely now, but here is my conversation with a cricket from sometime in October:

CS: chirp, chirp

CS: chirp, chirp

CS: chirp, chirp

EG: OK, you have to go.

EG: I don't want to kill you, but don't get me wrong I will.

CS: chirp, chirp

EG: Look, Cricket Shit - if you really are Cricket Shit [he wasn't] - I need to get to sleep. The understanding has always been that as long as you don't say anything, we're cool and you can stay.

CS: chirp, chirp

EG: OK, I'm giving you one chance with the broom and dustpan, but if you don't come quietly, you're getting the shoe.

CS: chirp

EG: You're fucking with me? Don't fuck with me! We'll just skip the dustpan and go straight for the shoe.

CS: ...

EG: That's what I thought.

Zen won that day and Cricket Shit went quietly out the door in the dust pan. I got some e-mail therapy from one of my friends today and I am doing much better now. We'll see how tomorrow goes.


Anonymous said...

How sweet of you to give the cricket warning. See, you're not so evil after all. Bat shit crazy for talking to a cricket - but not so evil!

Hot Lemon said...

being evil is a lonely, strange biz, mah friend.

pistols at dawn said...

I suggest you get it to kick in for rent and utilities. And also, that you start writing down whatever you're doing on your hand, because I think that worked for the guy in "Memento."

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

Did you draw that cricket?! Not bad! At least you can be thankful that, like me, you don't suck at art.

Dr. Zaius said...

An epic battle, to be sure, but you prevailed in the end.

SkylersDad said...

You need to buy a flamethrower. You don't even have to get off the couch to take care of Cricket issues.

Leonesse said...

I get my therapy from a cold mug, but talking to a cricket worked for Pinocchio, so who am I to say?

David said...

To the bughouse with you.

Grant Miller said...

Excellent script. May I suggest Jiminey Cricket for the role of Cricket Shit?

Evil Evil Genius said...


Sweet and crazy. That's me to a T.

Mr. Lemon,

I only play evil on TV.


I have already done the prorations, but can't get him to cough up the dough.


Yep. Of course I did my own avatar too. Some more stuff if you poke around on here. Have you posted anything?

Dr. Z,

There was never any doubt in my mind. And it is that confidence which ensured my victory.


I think I need lithium to take of my particular cricket issues.


Emulating Italian marionettes has always worked for me in the past. Why change a winning formula?


Excellent wordplay. Nice to see you back here in my humble corner of the internet.

Grant Miller of Grant Miller Media,

Only if you are playing the part of me.

Regards to all, and in the words of Bartle & James - thank you for your support,

GETkristiLOVE said...

Yeah, I'm not buying it. I think you party with friends almost every night, lay all kinds of women, and play in a band on weekends.

Or maybe I'm thinking of Charlie Sheen.

Evil Genius said...

I'm much more of a John Cryer/John Cusack. And I am still hung up on Molly Ringwald.

Dale said...

Give her a call, she's free.