Wednesday, January 09, 2008

I got tagged by two chicks at once!

Since I made such a big deal about Flann tagging me, I am going to follow through with the "Seven Things You Probably Don't Know About Me." But first, since Beth rescinded my tag (because I made such a big deal about the lovely Ms. Alden tagging me,) for her I will post "Seven Things You Probably Already Knew About Me."

Seven Things You Probably Already Know About Me

1. I am bald. Started when I was 20 and very gradually progressed. At 27 there wasn't enough left to part so I went back to a crew cut. At 30 I lost the area I lovingly referred to as "the putting green" and started shaving it.

2. I like coffee. I drink two cups in the morning to prep me for my arduous two block trek to work. Once there I drink 3 more cups before 9:00 to hit an even keel. I have one cup after lunch and generally two more in the afternoon.

3. I am not evil. I am a pretty nice guy. Sometimes to a fault. Of course I am not perfect and I can be a jerk too, but never intentionally.

4. I am from Pittsburgh. You can read my post on the WILATU list at #12.

5. I lived in Chicago for 5 years. I loved it there and hope to move back someday.

6. I now live in the DC area. I don't hate it as much as I used to, but I still don't plan on staying.

7. Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me. No hope, no harm. Just another false alarm.

Seven Things You Probably Did NOT Know About Me

1. I think my real name might actually be cooler than my screen name. If you don't know it I'm not handing it to you, but it isn't too hard to find out. If you include my confirmation name it is one line of trochaic pentameter.*

2. So why am I the "Evil Genius?" As we have established I am not evil, and my only IQ score on record is a few points below the technical genius level. But let's face it, "bitter and alienated man of gifted intelligence" has no panache. (While we're at it I am also a 1/4" shy of 6' but as far as the Maryland DMV and any polite conversation are concerned, I am an even 6 feet tall.) Anyway, I lived in a four-flat house in Chicago with a confusing mailbox set up. I needed to distinguish my letterbox from my neighbors', so I used my electronic label maker to print out my name. A few seconds later I decided to tack on an epithet to add a little character and humor. The Evil Genius was born.

3. My shoe size is 9-1/2 EEE. For you ladies keeping track that is a tad short for a guy my size, but extremely wide.

4. I like to polka. No shit.

5. I have sipped green tea at a Buddhist temple in Taiwan. I have ridden a camel to the pyramids in Egypt. I have wondered the streets of Pompeii with wild dogs. I sang karaoke in a Korean bar in Japan on my 20th birthday. I have fended off the advances of Brazilian hookers. I have been to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. I saw Francis Albert Sinatra live at Radio City Music Hall and been to Berkley for a Morrissey concert. I have seen the lush, rolling hills of the Italian countryside, rainbows in Hawaii, and New England in the fall. I'm a bit jaded as a result.

6. I have held every job that Jack Kerouac had prior to being published with the exception of railroad brakeman.

7. I refuse to buy one CD at a time. I cannot explain this, but I must always buy two or more CD's in any given purchase. As a result I have one wall of my apartment lined with discs. I am also anti-MP3. Primarily to be contrary, but also just because it doesn't really serve my purposes.

*Editor's Note: For the one person reading this who not only knows what the hell that is, but what all four of my names are - I know you have corrected me on this before. So to be absofuckinglutely precise it is probably closer to dactylic-trochaic-dactylic-trochaic, but either fucking way it's poetry!


Lucidiocy said...


EEE? You know what they about guys with wide feet.

I knew you weren't evil.

lulu said...

Ok, thanks to this post I know have this song going through my head.....

Oh, I've been to Nice and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht
I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me

One way or another, you will pay!

Evil Evil Genius said...

I sincerely hope it is the good way. (Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.)

Flannery Alden said...

You had me at "trochaic pentameter".

Hot Lemon said...

You FENDED OFF the affections of hookers?? and you say you're NOT really evil??

GETkristiLOVE said...

You had me at "I am bald," but you know that already.

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

Regarding item 5 (2nd set): Wow! You've seen a lot! Have you by any chance seen the best minds of your generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix?

Evil Genius said...

No, but I have been looking high and low for a homosexual, junkie poet sidekick without much luck. Thanks to you, I now have some new avenues to explore.

Lucidiocy said...

he pays more for shoes.


pistols at dawn said...

I hear the Union Pacific Line is hiring if you're interested. Railroads! That's where the future is, kids!

minijonb said...

yeah, when do you start working for the railroad?

i also can't usually buy a single CD at a time. it has to be at least 2. big wall o' CDs.

SkylersDad said...

I started loosing my hair at about 20-21 or so. Doesn't bother me at all now, but having no hair in the big hair 70's and 80's kinda sucked...

Beth said...

See, that wasn't so bad. And you listed some crush-worthy traits and feats.

Evil Evil Genius said...

I also do that taskbar thing you mentioned, but only at work. It has to be Outlook, Explorer, folder, document and I will close things out to arrange them properly.

pezda said...

RE #3 - yeah, but he's nice in a Hank Scorpio kinda way.

RE #7 - Is that story still going on?

RE #1 (2) - I know, I know!

RE #2 (2) - Egads, that's funny

RE #5 (2) But was it worth it?

RE #7 (2) How does your garden grow?

BeckEye said...

So will you change your name to Evil Girthness?

Evil Evil Genius said...


You are never going to look at me the same way again, are you? But I will just refer you to Lucidiocy's comment, "he pays more for shoes."


If you could kill a couple henchmen on the way out, that'd be great. Thanks.


Dale said...

I'm a little (a hair?) under 6 feet but people think I'm taller than that. They think I'm not evil but I am. See? We're practically twins. And your real name is pretty friggin' cool.