Monday, February 18, 2008

P-E-R-S-P-E-C-T-I-V-E (it's no mystery)

When I lived in Chicago, one of the neighborhoods I used to reside in was Bucktown. The local sweet shop pictured left is a near-historic landmark. You can barely notice the double scoop (side by side) ice cream cone in this photo, but it is a good 6 feet tall in real life.

One day while driving about with my married friends who were/are also denizens of the hood, the wife noted how unabashidly phalic the cone looked. The husband and I countered almost in unison how much the scoops looked like boobs. After which I began my own impromptu version of the "Tootsie Roll" song modified to substitute the words "a pair of boobs."

I then further asserted that the storied drawing power of this establishment was probably due in no small part to the double-edged subliminal ice cream cone. Behold the power of sex and candy! (Memo to self: time travel back to mid-ninties to write alternative one-hit-wonder capitalizing on this power.)


McGone said...

Whoa - we have a conflict of interests here. I'm actually scheduled for a trip back in time to stop that song from being written.

Evil Evil Genius said...

Ah, yes! The great Marcy Playground Paradox is one of the time travel puzzles that have plagued scientists for decades.

Anonymous said...

For your time-travel and engineer-ing imagination:

Pezda's Ghost said...

I can think of a few other things I'd rather do/write/invent/sleep with were time travel suddenly available to me.

Hot Lemon said...

yeah, but do they sell more ice cream that way??

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

So, if you're a guy, you see boobs; if you're a woman, you see a phallus. What if you're a tranny? Or, would you just see both? Damn, that IS pretty good marketing. I wonder if it would be good for blog traffic?

Em said...

Who's that casting devious stares in my direction?

pistols at dawn said...

Mama, this surely is a dream, but I've gotta say that I'm with McGone on this one.

SkylersDad said...

When you do a memo to yourself, do you type it as in this blog, or do you speak into one of those memo-mate devices?

See, I am trying to emulate every aspect of your life...

Evil Evil Genius said...


Why would you not reveal your identity and take claim to directing everyone to such a cool site?


At the rate I have been working on my time machine, I should have it done sometime before 1963. I will let you try it out. First.


How could they not?


Thanks for staying on topic.


That would be me.


I am ambivelant on the tune, it just seemed relevant.


I carry around a pocket Daytimer. It is my PAA (personal analog assistant.)

Other ways in which you can emulate me:

1. Abandon all hope.
2. Drink unhealthy amounts of coffee.
3. Alphabetize your socks.
4. Keep your eyes on the prize. (And of course by "prize" I mean the ass of the woman on the escalator in fron of you.)
5. Floss regularly.

For a nominal fee I could give you the complete list.


minijonb said...

this surely is a dream...

Evil Evil Genius said...

Dig it.

lulu said...

I miss Margie's. There is a second one now, in the old Fanny Mae candy factory building by the Montrose brown line stop.

Maybe they sell disco lemonade?

Evil Evil Genius said...

What an astute observation. I have no witty rejoinder for this.

The Idea Of Progress said...

You are saying that Margie's is trying to lure in people with sex?

As a neighborhood resident, I must protest---

---come to think of it, I never noticed that before.

Maybe you're right.

GETkristiLOVE said...

I looked at it and thought penis and balls, which comes as no surprise to you EEG, but tootsie roll made me think of poop, a la Caddyshack.

So don't sing that song again.

Red said...

Wow, I'm glad I clicked the "Tootsie Roll" link. (For anyone who hasn't, it's a YouTube link for a 1970s Tootsie Roll commercial. When I read GkL's comment, I thought she meant that, "To the left, to the left..." song.

Evil Evil Genius said...


There is also an ice cream truck in that neighborhood(the one that has the bad electronic "Turkey in the Straw" bells) that I am pretty sure sells drugs.


God bless your one-track mind. (And it was a Baby Ruth in Caddyshack.)


Let's think about this: is Evil Genius making a reference to 70's TV kitsch or cheese-tastic 90's club music? And you say you know me!


Grant Miller said...

You people are sick and disgusting.

Red said...


EG I know well; you I may have to get to know a bit better. Anyway,in my defense, I submit the following facts into evidence:

1) I have never seen Caddyshack
2)It's not that I think that's where your mind would go, it's where my mind initially went, and I was still in HS or possibly college when that song came out, so I associate it with dances more so than clubs.
3)Your favorite thing to do in NYC is go record shopping in the Village.

The defense rests.


Lucidiocy said...

for the love of pete, abate the sarcasm.