Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Too Easy

I was watching a television advertisement (commercial) for the osteoporosis treatment Boniva during which I noted the surprisingly pleasing way in which Sally Field has aged. This flooded my mind with an onslaught of quips and double entendres. Since I could not possibly remember all of them, here is a small sampling:

"Oo, I'd like to jump her brittle bones."

"Hey, Gidget. I've got a bone supplement for ya."

"Once a month, all night long, seven ways to Sunday - whatever fits your busy schedule."

Feel free to riff on this.

14 comments:

McGone said...

Um... "You like here, you really like her?"

I got nothing. You set the bar impossibly high with "I've got a bone supplement for ya."

SkylersDad said...

I got nothing either, but since Sally has trouble keeping up with a once a week pill, and went to Boniva for once a month, I am pretty sure she won't remember how disappointing I was...

Falwless said...

Norma Rae? More like Bone Away!

Okay, yeah, that was pretty crap, but it's all I could come up with under such pressure.

pistols at dawn said...

I've got a structurally unsound, brittle bone for you, darlin'.

pistols at dawn said...

Also, I will use said bone to plow Sally's Field with my seed.

That was both funny and gross, even to me.

Doc said...

"You seem brittle. You get on top."

"I'd bend you over but I can't stand the creaking sound."

"But your joints are still supple, right?"

"This might hurt a bit, but it is for your own good."

"An active lifestyle is a healthy lifestyle, that why I chase my Boniva with Viagra."

Just 'cause you ate that pill don't mean you are just going to lay there and complain about yer auther-itis izit?

"I got your marrow transplant right here!"

"Do I still need to wear protection?"

"Just hang on to your walker honey..."

"Is dust goin' to come out of this thing?"

"Lube? Where do you think you are? Hollywood?"

"Wanna come back to my place? I make a mean rum/Geritol/banana smoothie."

"Do you play checkers?"

"Weren't you Forrest Gump's mom? You were so hot in that."

"Weren't you Tom Hanks love interest in 'Punchline' and then played his mother a little later in 'Forrest Gump'? You were so hot in that."

"This isn't going to squeek like an old box-springs is it?"

"I don't understand why they couldn't have written you in to Demi Moore's 'Striptease'. I just don't understand."

"So, how is Alan Alda these days?"

"Keeping up with that AARP crowd has got to be tough, how do you do it?"

"Couldn't you just blow me until my girlfriend kicks in?"

"Can I borrow $50?"

"Drinks are on you!"

"Have you thought about joining Amway?"

"You are the new spokes-model for the Republican party, have any comment about how the country should be run?"

"Hell yeah we like you! Now return Hefner's calls."

"You don't mind if I put on this 'Jerky Boys' cd do you? It helps me to relax."

"Your husband called. His Boniva is in a holding pattern until you get home, whatever that means..."

"Would you like fries with that?"

"Paper or plastic?"

"You are like the village bicycle. You are fun to ride until your friends find out."

"A priest, a rabbi, and a West Virginian walk into a bar..."

I'm sorry. I got nothing. I can't think of a single thing, but the picture was nice.

Doc

Doc said...

BTW: The Demon of Cosmic Apathy pic is a beaut! Even though your nose and features are obscured, the eyebrow says it all.

Hail The Return of 3EG!

Doc

katrocket said...

Life is a box of Boniva.

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

Somewhere in there, there's probably also a joke relating this to that Clapton tune -- Lay Down Sally. But, damned if I can think of it right now. Or, truthfully, I think I thought of it but it was on the inappropriate side.

3vil gEnius said...

McGone: I'll slow pitch you one - Flying Nun. Starch in her habit. You fill in the rest.

Sky Dad, the father of tomorrow!: The self-deprecating angle is always a safe bet.

Flawles: But the delivery was great!

Pistols: That would be funny if it weren't true. (Both comments.)

Doc: Excellent work. There'll be a little something extra in your check this week. And for the added flattery, your avatar advances one position.

Kat: Mama always said, "Hunchback is as hunchback does."

BSUWG: This works out for the best as I am a staunch Clapton detractor.

Grant Miller said...

You are so nasty.

3vil gEnius said...

Grant Thank you, kind sir.

Freida Bee said...

Coming this fall: Sally will be starring in "Smokey and the Boniva, Part(ial) 69".

Evil Genius said...

Freida: Glad to see whatever gizmo you use let you know that I finally got around to linking back to you. Hope to see you around!