I would like all of our female readers to know that my recent reference to ogling illicit photos of nubile young ladies in naught but their socks in no way reflects upon my feelings for she of the scarlet locks. Please be aware that treating my body like an amusement park is totally independent of my love for and intense sexual attraction to Red. She is indeed and in fact as if Martin L. Gore himself sent me my own personal "Somebody."
Footnote: Hey, British socialized medicine. I haven't seen MLG's teeth in recent years, but I hope you sprung for some braces for this kid before he ended up another Shane McGowan.