Friday, October 17, 2008

Special Victims Unit

What follows is an actual* transcript of the pitch meeting for Law & Order: SVU.

Writer: I have a great new show for you. I see it starring a big rap star from the 80's, a stand up comic from the 70's, and the daughter of an iconic pin-up girl. Maybe a gay Asian guy, I don't know I'm still working on that.

Exec: Sounds great. We could use a new half-hour sitcom.

Writer: No, no. This is an hour long crime drama.

Exec: OK, but it's sexy, edgy, and cool. Right? Maybe some dark humor?

Writer: Not exactly. It deals mostly with rape and child molestation.

[Long uncomfortable silence.]

Writer: I know it's a stretch, but there is a lot of emotion to be mined. We could do it tastefully and it could be very strong and moving.

Exec: And you think we are going to sell ad time for child porn cops?

Producer: Fuck it, we've got a dead spot on Monday night we need to fill. We call it a Law & Order spin-off and the advertisers will be lining up.

Exec: Harv, we got like three other Law & Order spin-offs. Don't you think we're spreading the franchise thin?

Producer: I've got a dinner reservation at six with my, uh "niece." If I have to sit through one more twist on the fat-guy-and-hot-wife concept, I'm gonna plotz. Greenlight the kid.

Exec: OK, you're greenlit. Congratulations.

Writer: And my accountant said I'd never be able to write off all those video tapes I bought in Amsterdam and Bangkok. Hello, research!

[More uncomfortable silence.]


*Not actually.

3 comments:

Leonesse said...

Spreading the franchise thinner than Joan Rivers face.

lulu said...

I can't help it, I'm a fool for Chris Meloni.

pistols at dawn said...

I think I saw one episode of this show when I was dating a girl who was obsessed with it. It didn't do it for me, but maybe that's just because I don't love trafficking in fictional human misery.