Monday, November 03, 2008

FVB's DC Scandal!

When we last saw Fernando, he was headed for a common fate in Washington: the shredder...

If 4 turtles can beat the shredder, so can 1 pig!

Enter: Red


Why is EG shredding reciepts from someplace called Swedish Temptations?"Hey! Anyone lose a pig?"



pink+small=cute"Ohmigosh - it's Fernando!"


Lay all your love on me!He had a disarming smile and thanked me profusely. Then he asked if he could give me a small kiss as a gesture of his gratitude. Surely no harm could come of one innocent, platonic kiss.


10 minutes later...



You can hear my eyelashes batting, can't you?"No kidding? I love to travel, too!
Don't you just adore Paris?"




I can't resist a pig with a sense of humor."Oh Fernando, you're so droll!"




He is 10 times more charming than Arnold from Green Acres."Well, yes. Now that you mention it, my shoulders do feel a bit tense."



This is the look of a satisfied woman (you may want to take notes, Pistols.)"Mmm. Fernando, you really now how to work that deep tissue."



Who didn't see this coming?"Oh no, it's EG!"



It's exactly what it looks like."Let me explain...it's not what it looks like!"



Look at the Y vein bulging in his forehead."You can explain while I choke him!"



Men are such pigs!"Really, he's just a friend."



An original pressing of Chipmunk Punk!Seemingly prepared for this situation, Fernando produced an extremely tempting peace offering of rare vinyl to calm the Evil Genius.


An offer EG can't refuse."The Interpol is autographed."


10 minutes later...


Evil Fernando"I like this pig. He's my kind of evil."



[maniacal laughter & squealing]"In time he will come to understand the power of the dark side..."



*There were no asterisks used in this post.

17 comments:

Suze said...

Absolutely hysterical. I knew Fernando would turn evil with the right blogger!

Dr Zibbs said...

Well done!

McGone said...

Good Lord - he used the Rare Vinyl Trick? We always practiced it, but it was meant for extremely dire situations only. Somewhat ironically we called that "Code Red."

This is the point when I would shake my fist and yell at the sky, like Shatner in "Star Trek II." But "EeeeeeGeeee!" doesn't have the same ring as "Khaaaaaaaaaaaaan!"

SkylersDad said...

This was past perfect, it was perfect with raisins on it!!!

Red said...

That's awesome. Well done, you two.

Whiskeymarie said...

I am appalled and shocked that Fernie would cheat on me.
Maybe now isn't such a good time to tell him that I'm carrying his baby...

Damn redheads- who can resist them? WHO???

Red said...

WM,

He didn't cheat on you, nor did I cheat on my beloved Genius. It was just a back rub. Honest!

This story will have a happy ending yet. ;^)

Evil Evil Genius said...

Just as long as that massage doesn't have a happy ending!

catherinette said...

That Fernando is quite a charmer! He knows how to wow the ladies, and talk the men out of kicking his little pig tail.

pistols at dawn said...

I like stories that don't require a lot of reading, and also involve intimations of intimacy.

I also love crappy plays on words. But not plays composed of words, because those are just like really boring movies with only one location.

GETkristiLOVE said...

Oh, you crazy kids... is this what goes on out there on the east coast on a raging date night?!

Red said...

GkL,

That was part of the day of hooky we played _after_ the raging date night wherein we saw Billy Bragg w/the Watson Twins in concert. I wore my new argyle.

FranIAm said...

Now maybe I am worried about Friday...

Can you bring Fernando please? I can bring my photo of me at Oscar Wilde's grave from 1987 with all the Morrissey graffiti on it.

Doc said...

Th allure of ham is just too much for some!

This Great! I hope you do more of these!

Doc

Dale said...

Is this what Jenny Lewis meant on her song called 'See Fernando'? Love the photo essay. In fact I'm happy as a pig in shit about it!

Lisa-tastrophies said...

Holy crap! How is it that I am just now finding your blog? Oh yeah, it was Fernando. GAWD, I love that pig. Not only does he bring in the bacon, he has shown me the awesomeness of your blog. Defiantly adding this one to the must read list.

disa said...

I love it ! Very creative ! That's actually really cool Thanks.