Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Leather elbows on a tweed coat (Is that the best you can do?)

Red and I were at brunch (a meal she is quite fond of) with friends on Sunday. I am not sure why brunch tends to happen only on Sunday nor why you are expected to forgo breakfast and/or lunch to partake of this meal. How awesome would it be to wake up on a Thursday, have breakfast, head off to work, slip out of work and have brunch, then a few hours later pop back out to grab lunch? Though this would almost surely require an afternoon nap, which only ups the awesome ante.

But this post is not about my Hobbitesque dining fantasies. This is about that presumptuous baby that showed up at the other table.

The fact that a baby showed up to brunch is not surprising at all. They basically get to lead the aforementioned fantasy lives of multiple daily meals and discretionary sleep patterns, so brunch ain't no big thing for them. The general clientele seemed to follow the pattern of older sibling+spouse+2 kids under 5 (all awake since 6AM) meeting younger sibling + guy getting roped into relationship advancing casual dining with family/zaftig roommate who went out drinking with younger sibling till 3AM last night/best friend younger sibling has a hopeless crush on despite the fact that he is openly homosexual (this pair has been awake for 20 minutes and can't wait until the Bloody Mary's and mimosas get to the table.) Also elderly couples shouting at each other.

No, the thing that steamed my asparagus was the audacity this infant had showing up in a sweater with leather patches on the elbows! Come on, baby! Who are you kidding? It's not like you've had that sweater so long that it has holes worn in it. Judging by your ability to hold your head and torso up and focus on nearby objects, I am guessing you have had that sweater for 8 months tops. And even crappy Old Navy gear will hold out that long. Giving the benifit of the doubt and assuming these patches were not to cover holes, but there as a preventive measure against wear from heavy use, I still have to laugh. Your metabolism is through the roof, baby. You will outgrow that thing in a month. Unless your parents have you crawling around in a living room carpeted with 80 grit sandpaper, I am guessing you're safe.

This leads to the only remaining conclusion - this baby is a poseur putting on the airs of a circa 1950's Ivy League college professor. Where are your pipe and reading glasses, baby? That would be too over the top, would it? Oh, but the leather elbow thing plays. Yes, you're absolutely right...in baby-fantasy world!

You don't fool me, baby. Not for one minute. I see straight through your little snap-crotch-corduroy-trouser charade.

15 comments:

Bubs said...

Hahahahahaha...

Seriously--leather elbow patches? Wow.

And your description of the brunch crowd was dead-on, or the brunches I've been to just happen to look almost exactly like the one you went to.

Flannery Alden said...

I loved this post almost as much as I love brunch. Welcome back, old bean!

WendyB said...

My sister's baby has a little striped button-down shirt. If it's buttoned to the top, he looks like he's going to the office. If it's unbuttoned, he looks like some skanky dude trying to pick up the ladeez at a bar.

Doc said...

I'm ashamed to admit that I have a couple of leather-elbowed sport coats that I wear all the time. (Thing James Garner in Rockford Files) I guess you won't be inviting me to brunch anytime soon.

Doc

Red said...

Doc,

Part of EG's point is that leather patches _make sense_ for you - you've had an opportunity to wear holes in your elbows since you stay approximately the same size for a long while. I have a black velvet blazer I've been wearing since the early-mid 90s, and while leather patches wouldn't work on it, the elbows are lookin' thin.

If you and Flan are ever down this way, we'd love to have brunch with you, and presumably the girls, too.

SkylersDad said...

Will the brunch have bloody mary's?

With double celery stalks?

Cause that's all I am really interested in, besides the fact this post was wonderful.

pistols at dawn said...

If children are dapper and donnish, then whatever shall us over-educated curmudgeons wear? I mean, obviously, I'm going for sweatpants and my own filth, but that can't work for all of us.

GETkristiLOVE said...

If only all men had snap-crotch-corduroy trousers...

Pezda's Ghost said...

Mmm. Brunch.

Suze said...

Those leather elbow patch sweater wearing kids are everywhere. I saw one at "Target" yesterday. Is there no where safe?

FranIAm said...

Shit - you are too funny.

Shit - there is coffee on my keyboard. It is that delightful hour in my life when I squeeze brunch in-between breakfast and lunch and I was enjoying a lovely Bailey's and coffee.

Damn you EG! Making me laugh and snort liquids out my nose.

BTW in my new job it is like Polish-a-gogo, I get to use all my good vocab words.

Grant Miller said...

Fucking babies. Did the baby have a monocle, too? Jeesus, what a douche.

Catherinette said...

At least he didn't show up wearing a dicky. Now that would have been absurd!

Lisa-tastrophies said...

giggle
giggle
snort.
I'm still giggling and can't reply anything funny. snort. snort.

小貓咪 said...

情趣用品,情趣,成人漫畫,成人文學,成人遊戲,成人電影,成人論壇,成人,做愛,aio,情色小說,ut聊天室,ut聊天室,豆豆聊天室,聊天室,尋夢園聊天室,080視訊聊天室,免費視訊聊天,哈啦聊天室,視訊聊天,080聊天室,080苗栗人聊天室,6k聊天室,視訊聊天室,成人聊天室,中部人聊天室,免費視訊,視訊交友,視訊美女,視訊做愛,正妹牆,美女交友,玩美女人,美女,美女寫真,美女遊戲,hi5,hilive,hi5 tv,a383,微風論壇,微風,伊莉,伊莉討論區,伊莉論壇,sogo論壇,台灣論壇,plus論壇,plus,痴漢論壇,維克斯論壇,情色論壇,性愛,性感影片,校園正妹牆,正妹,AV,AV女優,SEX,走光,a片,a片免費看,A漫,h漫,成人漫畫,免費A片,色情網站,色情遊戲,情色文學,麗的色遊戲,色情,色情影片,同志色教館,色色網,色遊戲,自拍,本土自拍,kk俱樂部,後宮電影院,後宮電影,85cc免費影城