Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What I LIKED About the Universe

Any one remember the list? Where I try to put my sarcasm aside and point things that I actually do like about the universe. You know that annoying thing you have to scroll past on my sidebar. Well, things change. Since the list is not set in stone, 6 items have to be replaced. Two of which I already have substitutions for, the other four are open. This is what is changing and why:

1. WILATU #10: XM
XM was brilliant. Sirius is mediocre. They merged. Sirius XM is basically just Sirius. The new WILATU#10 will be: taking my socks off after work.

2. WILATU #77: LOLcats/LOLrus
This was an easy one that even I saw coming. I just can't take it anymore. There is no more originality, and what's worse no more humor. The new WILATU# 77 will be: playing with my Wii. (Yes I purposely phrased it in an obtuse manner.)

3. WILATU #73: Guinness
My goodness! Though it is chock full of vitamins, I can no longer finish a pint and still remain standing. My meds preclude me from imbibing, thus this and all of the following alky-hol containing list items are now verboten.

4. WILATU #34: good vodka
Nastrovya! May we meet again some day my crystal clear friend.

5. WILATU #74: the perfect martini
Dry, dirty, and double. A chilled glass rinsed with a splash of vermouth, some aforementioned good vodka (my favorites being Skyy (U.S.) and Belvedere (Poland),) then bless the thing with enough olive juice to give it a nice muddling.

6. WILATU #58: whiskey (scotch, bourbon, et al)
Brown liquor is indeed the concoction that will turn me into Mr. Hyde. It starts with a gentlemanly sip of refined Scotch and ends with a dead hooker. Metaphorically.

So there you go. The things I like about the universe are slowly dwindling. I take this as a sign that life itself is slightly less worth living. And from someone who has read the warning labels on all his cleaning products for research, any step down is bad. I am going to go listen to some Joy Division and go to bed.

18 comments:

BeckEye said...

I feel like a dead hooker everytime I drink whiskey, so it's been off my list for some time.

Bubs said...

Sorry for the loss of all the alcohol-related items. I'm not so sorry for the loss of the lolcats. They've come to bore me as well.

katrocket said...

It's okay EG - you don't need to drink to have a good time, assuming you still have a peezer.

Cap'n Ergo "XL" Jinglebollocks said...

I can get behind all of this (partially 'cuz I dont' have the foggiest idea what sat radio sounds like) EXCEPT for the removal of Guinness from the list. I would actually have suggested bumping it up higher up the list, but that's me...

SkylersDad said...

No more alcohol?

(shudders...)

I love taking my socks off also!

Evil Genius 4,000 said...

Beck: Smart move unless you are trying to go out "Leaving Las Vegas" style.

Bubs:Meh.

Kat: Yes, and it brings me (and Red) much pleasure. Assuming "peezer" means what I think it does. (Sense of humor, right?)

Cap'n: For the last time- these are non-heirarchical!

Other other Chris: I am glad I am not alone on the sock thing. Makes me feel ever so slightly less crazy.

Red said...

See, now I feel like I can't comment ;^)

Grant Miller said...

Jack Daniels is delicious but the dead hookers are a problem.

Evil Genius 4,000 said...

Red: Why?

Grant Miller of Grant Miller Media: The only problem I have is finding enough old carpets to wrap them up in. The guy from Empire is strating to get suspicious.

Red said...

'Cause I don't want to deal with the competition I'd face if the whole blogosphere knew how good you are?

Suze said...

I only liked the lolcats when I drank Whiskey.

FranIAm said...

Alcohol... That's a pity but you will benefit from this I'm sure.

How - I do not know, but I know you will.

Love, love will tear us apart again though.

pistols at dawn said...

I never liked the LOLCats, so I suppose an argument could be made that I am even less joyful than you, but I can see no winners to such an argument.

Fortunately for me, I manage to maintain my crazy and terrible health within parameters that leave me free to drink all I can, which is probably enough to make up for what you used to and then some.

Boldly Serving Up Wheat Grass said...

k, U can has nu favoritz.

Whiskeymarie said...

I guess that as long as you have good pharmaceuticals, giving up the sauce isn't so bad.

But giving up LOLCats? I can't, I just can't. Our unhealthy codependent relationship is so very, very strong.
Now, if you'll excuse me- I have to swirl down my shame spiral right now...

GETkristiLOVE said...

I don't see the meds making your list, so I think you should re-consider those four fabulous items.

Leonesse said...

I'm just glad to see you. I'll drink your Guinness for you, if it helps. I'm a giver, like that.

And Red, no fear amongst those who have the same, just a knowing smile and a slight nod with an eyebrow arched.

Dale said...

Congratulations on your barefoot Wii playing, you're a sight for sober eyes no doubt.