Monday, April 20, 2009

Dear EG4K,

I am understanding of your rotating fantasy five. It's a perfectly normal thing for a person to have. You know about mine! My issue with your statement about Ms. O (do you think that O stands for...?) was that you said you would "drop me like a hot rock for her", or something to that effect, which implies more than a hot sweaty romp or even a lost weekend, either of which I'd probably get over because I know how cool you would feel for the rest of your life if you got to bang "the queen of avante garage." (Even if most people have no idea who she is.)

We touched on this the other night at The Burger Joint when Dee-Lite came on; I understand how Lady Miss Kier might make your list and you don't see her as someone with long term potential. Like Ewan (McGregor) and me. Sure, he sings like an angel, is a rather talented actor, seems smart and funny and has a torso I could cheerfully spend quite a while licking all over but I don't know if he would take care of me when I'm sick or do the dishes when it's his turn and there's no way that he'll think I'm as hot as you do. (No one else ever has.)

So by all means, say Karen O. is on your list. She can be your #1. Haunt the stage door if she ever comes to the 9:30 Club. (Which sooner or later she probably will. You have so much better of a chance of meeting your top 5 than I have of encountering any of mine.) Go for it, Baby! Just realize that if this unholy event ever actually transpires, I'm calling the cute UPS guy who slipped me his number faster than you can say "retaliatory sex." ;^)

What can brown do for me?













Note - This is just the picture I could find. My UPS guy is cuter.

7 comments:

Evil Genius 4,000 said...

It was "hot potato" not "hot rock." And I admit that was poorly phrased. I just meant that I would leave you side without a cursory "see ya" to follow the shiny object. I would return to you like a bad cold sore (and possibly with one.)

Also bear in mind that UPS offers online tracking. Which is convenient when you want to know exactly when to press the button on your radio detonator.

SkylersDad said...

Somehow, I just knew the EG4K had Red "implanted"...

Rassles said...

Sometimes, I think the hotness of certain UPS men is completely overlooked, and that's just unfair to society.

red said...

Actually, Ewan seems to be a very attentive and doting husband. He'd totally take care of you when you're sick...and do all the dishes. Unfortunately, he also seems to like French chicks. I guess no one's perfect.

katrocket said...

Hey - take that back, Other Red. I like French chicks and I'm perfect.

I applaud your post, This Red, although I cannot imagine a "cuter UPS guy" than the one in the pic. I swear that whole company is just a front for male model secret assassins (a la Zoolander).

Evil Evil Genius said...

UPS Tracking: Genius, Evil you're package is currently on the truck with the cute UPS guy.

[Evil genius carelessly and seductively traces circles around the cartoonish red button on the radio detonator.]

Whiskeymarie said...

How have I never had a hot UPS guy? I guess I'll just have to settle for my smokin' hot mailman, who is on my "reserve" list.