Friday, May 22, 2009

I Don't Want To Start Any Blasphemous Rumors...

The image of Jesus and/or the BVM have shown up in some odd places including water stains and scorch marks on various building materials, in the finish of early model muscle cars, and in an assortment of foodstuffs I shan't attempt to list. The latest, however, is beyond the level of my comprehension and the bounds of my mortal mind: a crucifix in a Cheetoh. I imagine a Vatican inquiry will be launched on a scale not seen since the Special Council assigned to investigate the Gummi Bear with stigmata that appeared in the late 80's. (It was ultimately determined to have come in contact with some strawberry Quick syrup, and was not actually bleeding.)

For what it is worth, below is an incomplete list of deities, demigods, and religious luminaries that have NOT (as yet) randomly produced their image in potato chip, grilled cheese, or Camaro form:
  1. God the Father
  2. God the Spirit
  3. Moses
  4. Elijah
  5. Mohamed
  6. Elijah Muhammad
  7. Shivah
  8. Vishnu
  9. Brahma
  10. Oprah
  11. Krishna
  12. Krishna Krishna
  13. Hare Krishna
  14. Hare Krishna
  15. Krishna Krishna
  16. Hare Hare
  17. Hare Rama
  18. Hare Rama
  19. Rama Rama
  20. Hare Hare
  21. Julius Caesar
  22. Augustus Caesar
  23. Kim Il-Sung
  24. Kim Jong-Il
  25. The Wiccan Triple Goddess
  26. Waheguru
  27. Unkulunkulu
  28. The Buddha
  29. Dali Lama V
  30. Dali Lama IX
  31. Dali Lama XII
  32. Apollo
  33. Hermes
  34. Venus
  35. Gaea
  36. Artemis
  37. Ares
  38. Zeus
  39. Chronos
  40. Uranus
  41. Poseidon
  42. Hades
  43. Satan
  44. Kali
  45. Loki
  46. Thor
  47. Thor Heyerdahl
  48. Haile Salassie
  49. The Flying Spaghetti Monster
  50. The Force
  51. Mooby
  52. Crom
  53. Gozer the Gozarian
  54. Gozer the Traveler
  55. Gozer the Destroyer
  56. Charlie Manson
  57. Jim Jones
  58. Marshall Applewhite and Bonnie Nettles
  59. Yaweh ben Yaweh
  60. The Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
  61. David Koresh
  62. The Reverend Sun Myung Moon
  63. Reverend Run
  64. Lao Tse
  65. Joseph Smith
  66. Ra

8 comments:

SkylersDad said...

I once had a cheese sandwich that had Tundro from the Herculoids on it, does that count for anything?

Boldly Serving Up Wheat Grass said...

I still have, somewhere in my home, a corn chip I saved that bore an *incredible* resemblance to the sorting hat in the Harry Potter movie. I put it on eBay, only to receive no bids. (Admittedly, many triangular corn chips already look kind of like the sorting hat, so I suppose it's not that miraculous.)

Evil Genius said...

SkyDad: If you said Gloop or Gleep you would receive no credit, Tundro - that's impressive.

Not Patrick: You're right. I have to give this the Gloop and Gleep ruling.

I also thought of another: 67. Quetzalcoatl

FranIAm said...

Are you kidding EG? I have had that damn Joseph Smith turn up on more than one grilled cheese of mine. In fact, I started calling it The Mormon special.

And once I saw Baby Jesus in a pierogi and the three wise men were clearly visible in the kapusta. Motka boska.

Distributorcap said...

i am telling you that the head of lettuce I bought at Whole Foods looks exactly like Princess Diana

Pezda's Ghost said...

#47 Yegads that's funny.

Pezda's Ghost said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

CROM RULES!!! end of story!