Thursday, August 27, 2009

WASP 18b

Last week I told you about WASP 17 and how it didn't quite meet the standards of the other WASPs. So now they have found WASP 18b, and apparently the pressure for it to live up to high expectations is too much for it. WASP 18b is suicidal.

It is seemingly on a slow course to spiral into its star, and is already close enough to cause plasma tides on the star from its gravitational pull. Though scientists are not able to view WASP 18b directly (and conceptual artists are apparently too lazy to create a new rendering) there are other clues as to why they feel this is a suicidal planet. Here is a list of other data they have collected to back up their calculations:

  • WASP 18b has been reading more Sylvia Plath than any well adjusted planet should
  • The planet no longer hangs out with other planets in its system
  • Doesn't see the whole point in regular elliptical orbits any more
  • Been drinking a lot lately. A lot.
  • Quotes Smiths' lyrics far more often than could ever be applicable
  • Did I mention the drinking? No really. Way too much. We're all concerned.
  • Keeps asking if you would want any of its moons "if anything ever happened"
  • Reckless behavior, like orbiting too close to its Roche limit
  • Seriously, drinking way too much. And usually alone
  • Lost interest in personal hygiene, if you know what I mean
  • Has a complete file of MSDS's for all household chemicals
  • Started blogging
Astronomers are keeping a close watch on WASP 18b and hoping for the best. But you know how gas giants get at that age.


Doc said...

Not just drinking alone, but drink cheap scotch neat, with no chaser.

Poor batard.


Red said...

So, wait - is there a WASP 18a? And if not, what does the "b" signify?

Unindicted Co-Conspirator said...

You’re not showing much compassion here for a suicidal planet. You say drinking alone like that’s a bad thing. Not wanting to hang with the other planets could be a sign of depression, true, but then again, it could simply mean they’ve grown apart and want to be just friends. I for one, will continue to lose sleep over the injustice of it all. Although, perhaps the suicidal planet has simply reached its natural End of Days due to The Gay and whatnot.