waffle shortage.You think I'm kidding? Go to the frozen foods section of your nearest purveyor of cryogenically suspended griddle goodies and see if there ain't a piece of paper auspiciously taped the door.
No specifics are given as to what has caused this shortage other than "supply constraints," which rules out my theory of catastrophic equipment failure caused by an unnecessarily long chain reaction of humorous events triggered by some absurdly tiny accident. Perhaps there are new government imposed buttermilk regulations in place limiting the amount Kellog's is entitled to each month. Maybe a simple weevil infestation of the buckwheat crop. There could also be a secret formula for Artificial Homestyle Flavoring #5 which needs to backward engineered from a small remaining quantity in the 500,000 gallon vat they created in 1952 and estimated would last through the year 2000 and beyond (by which time mutual assured destruction by means of nuclear warfare would have surely eliminated the entire waffle eating population.)
I do credit them for keeping just enough dribs and drabs coming to stave off riotous scenes in which "leggo my Eggo" takes on a sadistically dark meaning. And then of course there is always the store brand. But Safeway never really came close to nailing a decent substitute for AHF#5. *sigh*