Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Great Waffle Shortage of 2010

Are you aware of the dearth of frozen breakfast offerings in America's supermarkets? I wish I were kidding about this, but there is a waffle shortage.You think I'm kidding? Go to the frozen foods section of your nearest purveyor of cryogenically suspended griddle goodies and see if there ain't a piece of paper auspiciously taped the door.

No specifics are given as to what has caused this shortage other than "supply constraints," which rules out my theory of catastrophic equipment failure caused by an unnecessarily long chain reaction of humorous events triggered by some absurdly tiny accident. Perhaps there are new government imposed buttermilk regulations in place limiting the amount Kellog's is entitled to each month. Maybe a simple weevil infestation of the buckwheat crop. There could also be a secret formula for Artificial Homestyle Flavoring #5 which needs to backward  engineered from a small remaining quantity in the 500,000 gallon vat they created in 1952 and estimated would last through the year 2000 and beyond (by which time mutual assured destruction by means of nuclear warfare would have surely eliminated the entire waffle eating population.)

I do credit them for keeping just enough dribs and drabs coming to stave off riotous scenes in which "leggo my Eggo" takes on a sadistically dark meaning. And then of course there is always the store brand. But Safeway never really came close to nailing a decent substitute for AHF#5. *sigh*


Red said...

Reminder: We need to register for a waffle iron.

BeckEye said...

Yeah, my old roommate stocked up on Eggos a few months back. I thought it was kind of odd, since he's more of an egg man, but I guess it was a case of "don't know what you got 'til it's gone."

SkylersDad said...

I'm OK just so long as the beer holds out. When THAT shortage happens, I will make Mad Max look like Pee-Wee Herman.

Whiskeymarie said...

What's next? Tater tots? Pizza rolls? Hot pockets?????


This frozen delicacy shortage simply cannot be tolerated. We demand answers, damnit!

This surely is the beginning of the end. I can feel it.