Monday, March 11, 2013

History of My Fake Bands: Part 4 - Guided By Elvis

Yeah, I know the name is dreadfully close to Guided By Voices - I'll get to that.

There was a time when I hosted an ultra-violent movie night with some of the guys from work. We had recently watched True Romance. "I like you, Clarence. Always have. Always will." That is how we came to be Guided By Elvis.

I was sure to get the lineup clear from the get-go. I was lead vocals, Johnny Bagodoughnuts was our lead guitar, and Bad Eric was on drums.There were never any clearer assignments when creating a fake band.

We were a hard-corps punk outfit with a witty edge. We had two songs established in our theoretical repertoire. A sped up cover of The Smiths "Bigmouth Strikes Again," and our own little gem called "I Got the Worm." In telling you the title, you also now know all the lyrics.

These two were something to keep up with. We also worked for a fake union (Local 71) and had a fake TV show (U Could B the 1.) I can't tell you any more about the TV show without revealing trade secrets of professional bullshitters. I can tell you that when you (myself included at this point) reach that level of smartassitude, throwing each other into forced public improv of pure BS was one of the most entertaining and challenging pastimes you could engage in.

With so little time to devote to the fake band, it took a while before I brought up the fact that we were encroaching on the name of an established actual band. We decided to mull it over and decide on something new later.

After a length of time you would think would mean we had forgotten about it altogether elapsed, Bad Eric and I had independently come up with new names at roughly the exact same time. His name was brilliant - The Cream-Filled Long Johns. Aside from the fact that you do a spit take laughing when you hear that the first time, the more you try to read into it the more you can.

The only reason I argued with that was the fact that I had come up with my own absofuckinglutely brilliant name - The Plastic Applicators. My theory was that of two of the greatest punk outfits ever were The Sex Pistols and The Buzzcocks, so it was a sure-fire win if I could come up with a name that referenced or implied something that would get shoved up a hoo-ha. Thus, my submission was The Plastic Applicators. I love the internal resonance and melody of those words. And it is just so very fucking punk! I even came up with a title for our first release - The Toxic Shock EP.

Neither of us would budge, and rightly so. So Guided By Elvis ended right there, and neither The Cream-Filled Long Johns nor The Plastic Applicators ever had the chance to not exist.

Guided By Voices ran from about 1983 to 2004. Guided By Elvis ran from about 1998 to 2001.

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