Saturday, March 23, 2013

WILATU #34 - MY dog

Number 34 on the list was marked [open.] There are a few more of these, and I can't remember why. Did I have some things on there that lost favor? Have they always been there as placeholders? Not important now.

Since #33 was Dogs, it was all too clear what #34 had to be. I am glad the is an open spot for this, because it didn't exist when the list was created, but it is by far one of my actual favorite things about the universe.

My dog.

Now, time and again I have stated how the WILATU list is non-hierarchical. I am telling you right now, she would be as close to #1 as possible if it were. The unfathomable amount of sarcasm my blog title contains evaporates in her presence.

I have decided she also needs a blog name to protect her anonymity. She has a proper name, and a great, funny nickname my nephew gave her. There are two other things I call her which are less nicknames and more more situational references that are viable contenders for use here in the blogosphere.

The first is Princess Scruffina, which we typically call her when she is being...well, a little bitch. Also when she is in need of grooming. The second is the winner for her nomme de blog. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: The Destruct-o-Pup.

Red conceded long ago to the eventuality of our getting a dog, but even I admitted that the current Evil Lair was not the most well suited place. But we did not go looking for her, she came to us. The dog who was initially referred to as Puppy, Tiny, or Tiny Puppy,  was abandoned at my place of monetary compensation work employment. I brought her home for a week while we were trying to find her owner, all the time knowing there was little chance that was going to happen.

I was reluctant even after that. It was never a foregone conclusion that she was going to be our dog. If you know a little bit about owning dogs, these 3 words should scare the shit out of you:  Abandoned, Terrier, Puppy. Sweet Baby Jesus, I did not sleep for a month straight. She was as close to a cartoon cloud of two dogs fighting as one real dog could be on her own. Imagine snapping a leash on that and taking it for a walk. Imagine that walk happening three to five times a day. Including unscheduled wee hours jaunts wearing pajamas and a down jacket. If we did have a cat, it would have been living on the ceiling.

We're about a year into it now and it has come to light how lucky we were to exert the patience and put the time and effort into training her. She is by no means now a proper Lady, but she is also far from the Dickensian street urchin we took in. Around six months into it, she let her guard down and started showing some affection. Now she gives me the full Dino treatment every time I come home.

Red, while still holding fast on the "no licking above the neck" rule, has also let her guard down. No one is immune to the charms of the soft puppy ears, or the warmth of a ball of fur curled up beside you. The self-esteem boost of a tail that is wagging just for you is absurdly disproportionate to what a rational mind would estimate it at. But Red also knows the score. Destruct-o-Pup's sun and moon still rise and set on the Evil Genius.

That damn dog still follows me around like... well, there's got to be some good idiomatic analogy out there for it.


Fran said...

This is a brilliant post about Evil Genius' and Red's best friend. What a cutie.

Your story reminds me of what I *know* with certitude to be true: OUR ANIMALS FIND US! Always.

Seriously, so happy that you are blogging. So. Happy. Really.

Red said...

Above the neck it okay - sometimes she licks my ears. I'm just squeamish about her licking my actual _face_.

I love how she manages to fill my desire for a small dog (she's about 20 lbs.) and EG's desire for a proper DOG simultaneously.

SkylersDad said...

My dogs simply run the place. There is no getting around it. Our newest, Simon, chose us at the pound. There were a bunch of rescues from a bad situation in New Mexico that we went and checked out. They were all in a large pen, and there was a flurry of activity as they were all jumping all over each other. Simon broke from the pack and trotted over to Skyler and I and just sat down and looked at us. He had that "Well? What are you waiting for?" look to him, and that was that!

GETkristiLOVE said...

A little known fact - I was a dog person before I was a cat person. It's easier to go on vacation for a month when you have a cat.

Glad to see you blogging again but why must you torture us with Comic Sans???

Evil Genius said...

It was some crazy specific font that seems to have defaulted to the dreaded Comic Sans. Red offered to tweak the HTML, but I just switched to something more common. Was going to do Courier for that typewriter look, but opted for Georgia which was designed specifically to be read on a computer screen.

Anonymous said...

Tyya's dad won't buy situated anything middling at the depend on - no ice cream, no bon-bons, no cookies. But when the saleslady puts a appraisal sticker on Tyya's nose, Daddy is at the mould moment laboured to buy something correct